Jumping from one thing (or person) to another without healing and breathing is not healthy. Trust me; I have learned the hard way. I had what I thought was a great relationship. Things started out fine, but soon enough the cracks in the foundation started to give way, and slowly but surely bits and pieces of our once happy world began falling away. At the end, he was living with me with my family and the tension was unbearable. And being so unhappy I began to wonder what would happen if I gave someone else a chance, someone who had been in my life for longer then most of my friends. He was one of my best friends (and still is) and I mistakenly took his friendship as romance. Long story short... I bounced from helping my ex move out of my parent's house, to trying to have a relationship with my closest confidant. Another failed attempt...
After months of non-physical affection and more tension, things mutually ended. And thankfully our friendship is still intact. In fact, it's better then it's ever been. You can love people so much, but sometimes it's meant to be nothing more then that. Genuinely caring about another person's well being, and wanting them in your life in a non-physical or romantic way. When people say that you cannot be friends with the opposite sex without things getting uncomfortable, I must disagree.
That was what it took to finally open my eyes. I looked down at my waist and realized that I had gained 80 pounds of stress weight in the past 5 years. I finally saw it. I have always been confident and felt good about myself, but I tend to lose myself when I'm in a relationship. I focus so much on someone else that I forget the most important thing to me must be me! So on to a new journey; a positive journey. And there were many times where I was tired of forefitting fun nights of eating and drinking to lugg my fat butt to the gym for 2 hours but the pay-off has been worth it. I have changed my diet and drinking habits and have religiously been working out and as of today have lost 60 lbs!!! I feel amazing.
At a very low time in my life recently, a very dear friend gave me some very valuable advice. She told me to wake up every day and send positive vibes out into the universe. She said to let go of the negative and let the world know that I am here, I am beautiful, and I am ready for positive reactions. This idea was so foreign to me. I had been down in my pit of misery for so long that the opening seemed so far away, The walls of this pit had become so steep I had given up even trying to climb out. So I took this advice and made a conscious effort to think positive. I even wrote a little excerpt from a motivational book on my whiteboard that hangs right above the head of my bed, so that every morning I would wake up and see it and remember to say it out-loud. Daily affirmations really do help. You may not feel any different at the time, but you will see the changes over time. Good things will come to you...
The person that I am today is happy again. I am the happiest that I have been in a long time and the healthiest! I centered myself and am now able to look at my flaws and work on my weaknesses. I can see things I did wrong in the past, and make a conscious effort to not make the same mistakes again. I am a fine-tuned machine. And I am full of love again. And when I said before that good things will come to you, I am speaking from experience.
I have welcomed love back into my life, reluctantly at first... but I have let it in. I say reluctantly because I almost went into panic mode a couple of times now - I guess in fear of the chaos. I have a routine, a schedule, and I feared (and sometimes still do) that I would lose myself again. Old habits die hard, but it seems like my will-power is strong and the changes I have made were not just surface! It also helps a lot that the universe pushed an amazing, loving, understanding, and relatable man my way. He is everything my heart has been looking for. I still find myself waiting for the catch; for some alter-ego to rear its ugly face my way... but it never happens. So I have let my guard down more and more and the more I do, the more I like him. Only time will tell.
The moral of the story is, don't feel like your life is over. Remove those negative feelings. Remove negative people, too. Stress kills people. It's not worth it. If you fight with the one closest to you, end it. You are a fish in a huge ocean with a whole lot of other fish out there. There is bound to be one that you can get along with! If you are attracting negative people, maybe you need some time to work on yourself. You are all you have at the end of the day. Your body is your temple, and your mind and soul are what makes you unique. You deserve to be healthy and happy. And baby, trust me... you will be happy. I am living proof. It is a long road, but it is worth it.